Blah, Blah, Blah Awards – 2008

The Tommy Lee Jones Screentime Award (For amassing the most screentime of the year):
–    Jason Statham (In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, The Bank Job, Death Race, Transporter 3)

The Kevin Spacey Must Have the Best Agent Award (For appearing in the most top ten movies of the year):
–    Seth Rogen (Drillbit Taylor (writer) & Kung Fu Panda)

The Marlon Wayans Award (for appearing in two or more of the worst movies of the same year.]:
–    Frankie Faison (Tyler Perry’s Meet The Browns & My Blueberry Nights)

The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):
–    Tyler Hilton (Charlie Bartlett)

The Dina Meyer Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):
–    Yoshino Kimura (Sukiaki Western Django)

The Anna Paquin Best Child Actor Award:
–    Jiao Xu (CJ7)

The Nicholas Cage Uneven Performance Award (For the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year):
–    Emile Hirsch (Milk & Speed Racer)

The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:
–    Robert Downey, Jr. (Tropic Thunder)

The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award:
–    Adam Baldwin (Drillbit Taylor)

The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award:
–    Matt Damon (Che)

The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (For the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):
–    Ed Harris (Appaloosa)

The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [For most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:
–    Morgan Spurlock (Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden?)

The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award:
–    Josh Zuckerman (Sex Drive)

The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award:
–    Peyton Reed for “Jumper” by the cast of (Yes Man)

The Andy Garcia Best Shot Award:
–    George Clooney (Burn After Reading)

The John Woo Best Shootout Award:
–    Ed Harris (Appaloosa)

The French Connection Best Car Chase Award:
–    The Dark Knight

The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award:
–    Seth Rogen and James Franco vs. Danny McBride (Pineapple Express)

The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (For worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):
–    Gwenyth Paltrow (Iron Man)

The Talking Pig Award (For the two movies most alike released in the same year):
–    Let The Right One In & Twilight

The Mulholland Falls Award (For movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):
–    Cover

The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (For the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):
–    Be Kind, Rewind

The Tony Randall Award (For best portrayal of oneself):
–    Jean Claude Van Damme (JCVD)

The Godfather Best Sequel Award:
–    The Incredible Hulk

The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:
–    The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor

The The Man Who Knew Too Much Best Remake Award:
–    Drillbit Taylor

The  Breathless Worst Remake Award:
–    Bangkok Dangerous

The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:
–    Jeffrey Donovan (Changeling)

The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent (Female):
–    Meryl Streep (Doubt)

The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):
–    Robert Downey, Jr. (Tropic Thunder)

The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:
–    William Baldwin of David Caruso as Horatio Kane (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

The Worst Impression Award:
–    Douglas Nyback of Wallace Shawn (Kit Kittredge: An American Girl)

The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award (for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):
–    Traci Lords (Zach & Miri Make A Porno)

The Hamlet Best Production Within A Production Award:
–    Munchausen By Proxy live show (Yes Man)

The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):
–    “Angelo. “ (Miracle At St. Anna)

The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award:
–    “What happens if I don’t invite you in?” (Let The Right One In)

The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:
–    Wendy And Lucy

The Passenger 57 Award (for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):
–    Quarantine

The Nightwatch Award (for the most heavily promoted movie never to grace us with its presence in a theater):
–    Passengers


2 thoughts on “Blah, Blah, Blah Awards – 2008

Add yours

  1. The Talking Pig Award (For the two movies most alike released in the same year):
    – Let The Right One In & Twilight

    You must be kidding. If you concider these movies as “most alike” you obviously didn’t see both.

    I’ll give Twilight & Let the Right One In:

    The Sparkling Coke & Don Perignon Award (for the achievement to deliver such a tremendously different quality with such a tremendously similar plot)

  2. It’s true. I was kidding. I guess I thought it was obvious so I left out the winky face. I just didn’t think anyone in their right mind would take seriously the idea of two movies about vampires protecting the person they said they loved being alike.

    I’m going to have to assume your alcohol references are totally awesome and do not speak to a deeper concern in your personal life, but wait, now you’re saying they had “tremendously similar plots.” I just don’t know where you stand anymore. We were getting along so well and now this. Such a shame.

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