Poster Children

There are three major releases due out on July 24th: The Orphan, G-Force and The Ugly Truth. And all of them are trying their damnedest to make sure we resist the temptation to go see them.

The Orphan

The image on the poster for The Orphan achieves its intention well enough. You’d think as a nation we’d have gotten over this whole creepy kid business by now, but this is an orphan. You have no idea where she came from. I mean, there’s paperwork and all that, but who can trust facts and documents? Look at the period clothes she’s wearing. Something’s got to be wrong with her.

Oh. That’s the tag line? So there is something wrong with her, for sure. I guess that’s not ruining anything, though it does seem redundant at this point. And I guess the makers of this poster sensed that. So they included an auxilliary tag line: “Can you keep a secret?” And this one’s written in red, so it’s extra menacing. Or, more likely, they just wanted to make sure you didn’t think the two tag lines were related or anything simply by virtue of being on the same poster with not much else going on.

I really hope that the secret I’m supposed to be keeping isn’t that there’s something wrong with Esther. Because then it might be too late. You really should have thought about how to arrange your double-pronged tag line assault. Also, I’m typing about it right now, so you’d kind of have to assume the answer is “no.”

G-Force

Is this G-Force poster saying that its heroes aren’t going to be enough for the task at hand? That’s admirably honest of it, but I’m not sure it’s the best marketing plan.

The Ugly Truth #1

The Ugly Truth has seen the mistakes of its competition and decided to abandon the tag line approach altogether. It’s found a way to incorporate a sort of visual tag line that becomes the poster. Genius. They’ve summed up their movie with a (relatively) subtle image that not only stands alone, but works in tandem with the title, which just so happens to be the only other thing prominently displayed.

But then they must have decided we were too dumb to get it and that we definitely aren’t going to see a movie about barely-defined monochromatic bathroom gender indicators. No matter where they keep their disproportionate hearts.

The Ugly Truth #2

He looks extremely awkward, but Gerard Butler is sort of keeping with the theme established by his predecessor. Katherine Heigel, however, has apparently decided everyone needs to see her and the calculated cute face she’s making rather than make any sense. Is she throwing her heart away? Does she think she’s using it to bid on something while simultaneously flirting with the auctioneer? She certainly doesn’t seem concerned with it. And now I have no choice but to conclude that this poster is saying that while a man may keep his heart in his pants, a woman considers it an accessory and is likely to forget she even has one. And hey, maybe that is what the movie’s message is, how would I know? In which case I’m going to owe The Ugly Truth an apology. I just hope it understands me through the uproarious laughter it is clearly poised to inspire.

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