Blah, Blah, Blah Awards – 2009

The Tommy Lee Jones Screentime Award (For amassing the most screentime of the year):
–    J.K. Simmons [(Aliens In The Attic, Extract, I Love You, Man, Jennifer’s Body, New In Town, Post Grad, Up In The Air & The Vicious Kind) and while not applicable to these awards, it’s also worth mentioning: two direct to DVD movies, a regular spot on The Closer and a guest spot on Party Down]

The Kevin Spacey Must Have the Best Agent Award
(For appearing in the most best movies of the year):
–    Bill Hader (Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs & Adventureland)

The Marlon Wayans Award (for appearing in the most worst movies of the same year):
–    Rita Wilson (My Life In Ruins & Old Dogs)

The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award
(For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):
–    Kerr Smith (My Bloody Valentine 3D)

The Dina Meyer Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):
–    Laura Breckenridge (Let Them Chirp Awhile)

The Anna Paquin Best Child Actor Award:
–    Elle Fanning (Phoebe In Wonderland)

The Nicholas Cage Uneven Performance Award
(For the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year):
–    Megan Fox (Transformers & Jennifer’s Body)

The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:
–    Sam Rockwell (Moon)

The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award
–    Edward Norton (The Invention Of Lying)

The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award
–    David Bowie (Bandslam)

The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (For the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):
–    Drew Barrymore (Whip It)

The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [For most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:
–    Mike Judge (Extract)

The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award
–    Anna Chlumsky (In The Loop)

The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award
–    Carlos Saldanha – “Alone Again (Naturally)” by Chad Fischer (Ice Age 3D)

The Andy Garcia Impossible Shot Award
–    Gerard Butler vomits into a gas tank (Gamer)

The John Woo Best Shootout Award:
–    Wes Anderson (The Fantastic Mr. Fox)

The French Connection Best Car Chase Award:
–    G.I. Joe

The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award
–    Vin Diesel vs. Paul Walker (Fast & Furious)

The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (For worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):
–    The cast of The Final Destination

The Talking Pig Award
(For the two movies most alike released in the same year):
–    Paul Blart Mall Cop, Observe And Report and Gigante

The Mulholland Falls Award (For movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):
–    Food, Inc.

The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (For the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):
–    Year One

The Cecil B. DeMille Award
(For best portrayal of oneself):
–    Bill Murray (Zombieland)

The Godfather Best Sequel Award:
–    Star Trek

The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:
–    Halloween II

The The Man Who Knew Too Much Best Remake Award:
–    The Last House On The Left

The  Breathless Worst Remake Award
–    Friday The 13th

The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:
–    Gerard Butler (Gamer, Law Abiding Citizen & The Ugly Truth)

The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent
–    Dakota Fanning (Coraline)

The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):
–    Sascha Baron Cohen (Bruno)

The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:
–    Meryl Streep of Julia Child (Julie & Julia)

The Worst Impression Award:
–    Dan Fogelman of Ian McDiarmid as Emperor Palpatine (Fanboys)

The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award
(for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):
–    Ray Stevenson (Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant)

The Hamlet Award
(for the best production within a production):
– (2012)

The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):
–    “Hi.” (The Time Traveler’s Wife)

The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award
–    Buttons (Coraline)

The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:
–    G-Force

The Passenger 57 Award
(for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):
–    The Answer Man

The Nightwatch Award (for the most heavily promoted movie never to grace us with its presence in a theater):
–    The Boys Are Back


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