Blah Blah Blah Awards – 2013

For nominations and explanations, go here.

The Tommy Lee Jones Screentime Award (For amassing the most screentime of the year):

– Terence Howard (Movie 43; Dead Man Down; The Company You Keep; Winnie Mandela; The Butler; Prisoners; House Of Bodies; The Best Man Holiday)

The Kevin Spacey Must Have the Best Agent Award (For appearing in the most top ten movies of the year):

– Michael Fassbender & Brad Pitt (12 Years A Slave and The Counselor)

The Marlon Wayans Award (for appearing in two or more of the worst movies of the same year.]:

–  Craig Robinson (Percy Jackson Sea Of Monsters and Escape From Planet Earth)

The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):

– Jeff Bridges (R.I.P.D.)

The Dina Meyer Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):

– Amber Heard (Machete Kills)

The Anna Paquin Best Child Actor Award:

– Onata Aprile (What Maisie Knew & The History Of Future Folk)

The Nicolas Cage Uneven Performance Award (For the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year):

– Selena Gomez (Spring Breakers & Getaway)

The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:

– Herman Koto (The Act Of Killing)

The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award:

– Chris Evans (Thor The Dark World)

 The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award:

– Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead)

The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (For the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):

– Shane Carruth (Upstream Color)

The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [For most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:

– Michel Gondry (Is The Man Who Is Tall Happy?)

The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award:

– Wiley Wiggins (Computer Chess)

The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award:

– Noah Baumbach for “Every1’s A Winner” by Hot Chocolate (Frances Ha)

The Andy Garcia Impossible Shot Award:

– Vin Diesel and Paul Walker – catapulting Vin Diesel from the roof of a car across an elevated highway to catch a falling Michelle Rodriguez (Furious 6)

The John Woo Best Shootout Award:

– Ridley Scott (The Counselor)

The William Friedkin Best Car Chase Award:

– Justin Lin (Furious 6)

The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award:

– Superman vs. Zod (Man Of Steel)

The Die Hard 2 Icicle Award (for best use of an otherwise benevolent object as a weapon):

– refrigerator door (RED 2)

The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (For worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):

– the cast of Pacific Rim

The Talking Pig Award (For the two movies most alike released in the same year):

Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down

The Mulholland Falls Award (For movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):

Salinger

The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (For the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):

The Big Wedding

The Cecil B. DeMille Award (For best portrayal of oneself):

– Jonah Hill (This Is The End)

The Godfather Best Sequel Award:

Iron Man Three

The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:

A Good Day To Die Hard

The The Man Who Knew Too Much Best Remake Award:

The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty

The Breathless Worst Remake Award:

The Lone Ranger

The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:

– Kevin Zegers (Mortal Instruments City Of Bones)

The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent (Female):

– Scarlett Johannson (Don Jon)

The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):

– Joe Anderson (A Single Shot)

The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:

– Daniel Brühl of Niki Lauda (Rush)

The Worst Impression Award:

– Mila Kunis of Margaret Hamilton as The Wicked Witch Of The West (Oz The Great And Powerful)

The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award (for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):

– Sharon Stone (Lovelace)

The Hamlet Best Production Within A Production Award:

Kiss Of Life (Broken City)

The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):

– “I will find him!” (Man Of Steel)

The This Is 40 Award(for supporting cast member(s) most deserving of a sort-of sequel):

– Colonel Nathan Hardy (Man Of Steel)

The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award:

– “I’d rape them all.” (The Act Of Killing)

The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:

Frances Ha

The Passenger 57 Award (for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):

Closed Circuit

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One response to this post.

  1. […] Winners are in bold, but if you want just see those and skip all the sanctimony, go here. […]

    Reply

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