Awards! (2014)

For nominations and explanations/defenses go here.


The Tommy Lee Jones Screentime Award (For amassing the most screentime of the year):

– John Cusack (Adult World; Grand Piano; The Bag Man, Reclaim, Drive Hard; Cell)


The Kevin Spacey Must Have the Best Agent Award (For appearing in the most top ten movies of the year):

– Chris Pratt (The LEGO Movie and Guardians Of The Galaxy)


The Marlon Wayans Award (for appearing in two or more of the worst movies of the same year.]:

– Ray Liotta (The Identical and Sin City: A Dame To Kill For)


The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):

– Alexander Skarsgård (The Giver)


The Dina Meyer Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):

– Olivia Wilde (Third Person)


The Anna Paquin Best Child Actor Award:

– Noah Wiseman (The Babadook)


The Nicolas Cage Uneven Performance Award (For the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year):

– Clint Eastwood (American Sniper & Jersey Boys)


The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:

– Zoe Kazan (The Pretty One)


The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award:

– Allison Pill (Snowpiercer)


The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award:

– Howard The Duck (Guardians Of The Galaxy)


The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (For the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):

– Ben Falcone (Tammy)


The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [For most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:

– Shane Dawson (Not Cool)


The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award:

– Haley Joel Osment (Tusk)


The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award:

– “Everything Is Awesome” by Tegan & Sara (featuring The Lonely Island) (The LEGO Movie)


The Andy Garcia Best Shot Award:

– Michael C. Hall (Cold In July)


The John Woo Best Shootout Award:

– David Leitch/Chad Stahelski (John Wick)


The William Friedkin Best Car Chase Award:

– Jonathan Liebesman (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)


The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award:

– Ceasar vs. Koba round 2 (Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes)


The Die Hard 2 Icicle Award (for best use of an otherwise benevolent object as a weapon):

– power strip (Broken)


The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (For worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):

– Louis Cancelmi (The Amazing Spider-Man 2)


The Talking Pig Award (For the two movies most alike released in the same year):

The Legend Of Hercules and Hercules


The Mulholland Falls Award (For movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):



The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (For the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):



The Cecil B. DeMille Award (For best portrayal of oneself):

– Kent Shocknek (Nightcrawler)


The Godfather Best Sequel Award:

X-Men: Days Of Future Past


The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For


The The Man Who Knew Too Much Best Remake Award:



The Breathless Worst Remake Award:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:

– Eric Bana (Deliver Us From Evil)


The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent (Female):

– Rose Byrne (This Is Where I Leave You & Annie)


The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):

– Ben Kingsley (The BoxTrolls)


The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:

– Stephen Stanton of Roger Ebert (Life Itself)


The Still Unnamed Worst Impression Award:

– Mark Camacho of President Richard M. Nixon (X-Men: Days Of Future Past)


The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award (for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):

– Connie Neilsen (Nymph()maniac Vol. I)


The Hamlet Best Production Within A Production Award:

– Horror House segment (Nightcrawler)


The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):

– “I have felt things.” (The Giver)


The This Is 40 Award (for supporting cast member(s) most deserving of a sort-of sequel):

– Tanner Bolt (Gone Girl)


The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award:

– spider (Enemy)


The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:



The Passenger 57 Award (for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):

Into The Storm


The Nightwatch Award (for the most heavily promoted movie never to grace us with its presence in a theater):

One Chance




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