Nominations! (2015)

Winners are in bold. To skip the nominees and explanations and go straight to the winners, go here.

(As usual, not all awards are represented here as many do not warrant multiple nominees.)

 

The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):

– Stephen Baldwin (Faith Of Our Fathers)

Thomas Jane (Vice)

– J.K. Simmons (Terminator Genisys)

 

Thomas Jane is poised to own this award for decades right now. The movies he is choosing to do and the energy he puts into them makes it seem like he knows this award exists and has resolved to never let anyone else win it as long as it does.

 

The Dina Meyer Award (For the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):

– Anaïs Demoustier (Une Nouvelle Amie)

Anna Kendrick (The Last Five Years)

– Mickey Sumner (This Is Happening)

 

It’s a sad win. Thing is, she probably doesn’t even realize how bad a movie she was in.

 

The Anna Paquin Best Child Actor Award:

-Abraham Attah (Beasts Of No Nation)

– Raffey Cassidy (Tomorrowland)

– Sterling Jarrin (No Escape)

– Elias Schwarz (Goodnight Mommy)

– Günes Sensoy (Mustang)

Jacob Tremblay (Room)

 

The nomination list gets longer and longer for this all the time. Is it suddenly a lot easier to direct children? Anyway, Room kid’s definitely messed up from doing this movie. So much more than Beasts Of No Nation kid, which is weird.

 

The Nicolas Cage Uneven Performance Award [For the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year (the good thing is always listed first)]:

– Johnny Depp (Black Mass and Mortdecai)

– David Gordon Green (Manglehorn and Our Brand Is Crisis)

– Hugh Jackman (Chappie and Pan)

– Spike Lee (Chi-raq and Da Sweet Blood Of Jesus)

Tom McCarthy (Spotlight and The Cobbler)

– Elisabeth Moss (Queen Of Earth and Truth)

– Robert Redford (Truth and A Walk In The Woods)

 

This is tough because I want to give this to actors as often as possible. Hugh Jackman was the front runner there mostly because he is strangely great in Chappie. It makes you think, “Oh, he’s a great villain” and then Pan came along. But the idea that the potential Best Picture would be directed by someone who started off the same year with a vaguely offensive and overtly creepy Adam Sandler movie.

 

The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:

– Joe Cole (Secret In Their Eyes)

– Steve Coogan (Minions)

– Tom Hardy (Legend)

Tom Noonan (Anomalisa)

– Ryan Reynolds (Self/less)

– Ryan Reynolds (The Voices)

 

Tom Hardy had this wrapped up. Then Tom Noonan does that cab driver. He could have just done that and Donna and deserved this, but obviously he could not stop there.

 

The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award:

– Jane Adams (Digging For Fire)

– Anthony Bourdain (The Big Short)

– Steve Carell (Minions)

– John Cena (Daddy’s Home)

– Dave Chappelle (Chi-raq)

– Rick Fox (Dope)

– Terry Gilliam (Jupiter Ascending)

– Melissa Leo (The Big Short)

Josh Peck (The Wedding Ringer)

– Peter Sohn (The Good Dinosaur)

 

Ten nominees is the limit guys. I mean, come on. Josh Peck’s best man speech is a perfect short film inside a movie that is at least a little funnier than you probably think.

 

The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award:

– Marv Albert (Trainwreck)

– Thomas Brodie-Sangster (Star Wars: Episode VII ~ The Force Awakens)

Carrie Brownstein (Carol)

– Scott Cohen (James White)

– Kathryn Hahn (Tomorrowland)

– Hugh Jackman (Me And Earl And The Dying Girl)

– Julia Stiles (Hits)

 

Kathryn Hahn was much much worse in Tomorrowland, but that’s not what this award is supposed to be. It’s meant to be the most useless and/or distracting one. And Carol does it double barrel style by putting Carrie Brownstein in the opening credits and then saving her until the last few minutes to show up and barely do anything.

 

The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (For the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):

– Elizabeth Banks (Pitch Perfect 2)

– Pierre Coffin (Minions)

F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta Compton)

– Carey Scott (Faith Of Our Fathers)

– Peter Sohn (The Good Dinosaur)

– Colin Trevorrow (Jurassic World)

 

Colin Trevorrow would be the most Hitchcockian cameo, but F. Gary Gray briefly plays a real person in a movie he made about real people which included a person writing a movie he directed 20 years ago. And you might not have noticed.

 

The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [For most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:

– John Frances Daley (Vacation)

– Ty Hodges (Charlie, Trevor and A Girl Savannah)

– Michael Moore (Where To Invade Next)

– Jafar Panahi (Taxi)

Quentin Tarantino (The Hateful Eight)

 

In an otherwise nearly perfect movie, the director chooses to narrate things that don’t need narrating in his distinct voice and cadence as if you accidentally pressed the audio button and now you’re playing the commentary track.

 

The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award:

Liam Aiken (Ned Rifle)

– Isabelle Fuhrman (All The Wilderness)

– Sarah Hagan (Sun Choke)

– Bobb’e J. Thompson (Me And Earl And The Dying Girl)

 

Sarah Hagan is too old for this, but somehow has been playing high school kids for 15 years. Liam Aiken was a pretty terrific kid actor who didn’t do very much and disappeared until coming back for this terrible thing. Which is exactly what I’m looking for.

 

The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award:

– Elizabeth Banks for “Flashlight” by The Barden Bellas (Pitch Perfect 2)

Pierre Coffin and Kyle Balda for “You Really Got Me” by The Kinks (Minions)

– David Cross for “Brave” by the artist Sara Bareilles

– Jonathan Demme for “My Love Will Never Let You Down” by Ricki & The Flash (Ricki & The Flash)

– Ridley Scott for “Starman” by David Bowie (The Martian)

– Quentin Tarantino for “Silent Night” by Demian Bichir (The Hateful Eight)

– Matthew Vaughn for “Baby Give It Up” by KC & The Sunshine Band (Kingsman The Secret Service)

– Matthew Vaughn for “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd (Kingsman The Secret Service)

 

This was very close. I think Matthew Vaughn’s double nomination hurt him with vote splits. And that’s without “Money For Nothing” even making the list. Those opening chords of “You Really Got Me” might be a cheat that could make any scene greater, but then why isn’t everyone using it?

 

The Andy Garcia Impossible Shot Award:

– into the bug zapper (Ant-Man)

– rocks at the transformer (Mustang)

through the bathroom door (Self/less)

– remote Snapple knock down (Truth)

 

Two of these are accidents, one probably an on set accident that stayed in the movie. The transformer one is so crazy in an otherwise realistic movie (unless Turkey’s infrastructure is that faulty) so this is sort of a default win. But it was still pretty good.

 

The John Woo Best Shootout Award:

– Yann Demange (’71)

– John Erick Dowdle (No Escape)

Michael Mann (Blackhat)

– John Maclean (Slow West)

– Naji Abu Nowar (Theeb)

– S. Craig Zahler (Bone Tomahawk)

 

None of these are stellar. Blackhat‘s shootout is an oasis.

 

The William Friedkin Best Car Chase Award:

– Jaume Collet-Serra (Run All Night)

– Christopher McQuarrie (Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation)

George Miller (Mad Max: Fury Road)

– Guy Ritchie (The Man From U.N.C.L.E.)

– Pierre Coffin and Kyle Balda (Minions)

– Tarsem Singh (Self/less)

 

The whole movie is a car chase, so of course.

Run All Night is second place for the curious.

 

The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award:

– Hulk vs. Iron Man (Avengers: Age Of Ultron)

– Donnie “Hollywood” Johnson vs. Leo “The Lion” Sporino (Creed)

– An Sang-Gu vs. Kim Seok-Woo (and henchmen) [내부자들 (Inside Men)]

– Reg vs. Ron (Legend)

Max (and Nux) vs. Furiosa (et al) (Mad Max: Fury Road)

– Glass vs. bear (The Revenant)

– Glass vs. Fitzgerald (The Revenant)

– Jimmy vs. Frank (Run All Night)

 

Great year for this.

 

The Die Hard 2 Icicle Award (for best use of an otherwise benevolent object as a weapon):

building(s) (Avengers: Age Of Ultron)

– elevators (Avengers: Age Of Ultron)

– table (Blackhat)

– icicle (Krampus)

– lamp (No Escape)

– nightstand (The Tribe)

 

Shouldn’t be a surprise. But for clarification’s sake, Krampus is only here because it literally uses an icicle. It’s a pity nomination.

 

The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (For worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):

– Andrew Cheney (Beyond The Mask)

Jason Clarke (Terminator Genisys)

– Tim McGraw (Tomorrowland)

– Adam Sandler (Pixels)

 

Adam Sandler is the worst of these, but he’s just sleeping through all of Pixels, not just the special effects parts. Tim McGraw is just as bad as Jason Clarke at looking at things that aren’t there, but Jason Clarke is a special effect at times and can’t do that right.

 

The Talking Pig Award (For the two movies most alike released in the same year):

Kingsman and Tomorrowland

– Madame Bovary and Gemma Bovary

– Seventh Son and The Last Witch Hunter

Montage Of Heck and Soaked In Bleach

 

These are always weird coincidences, but with how long it takes to make and release any documentary, this coincidence is among the weirdest.

 

The Mulholland Falls Award (For movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):

Goodnight Mommy

– Krampus

– Me And Earl And The Dying Girl

Trainwreck

 

So dumb. And so boring getting there.

 

The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (For the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):

Fantastic Four

Krampus

The Lazarus Effect

Trainwreck

 

Even the kid from Chef!

 

The Cecil B. DeMille Award (For best portrayal of oneself):

Miley Cyrus (The Night Before)

– Chris Evert (Trainwreck)

– Margot Robbie (The Big Short)

 

I saw Entourage last night thinking someone in it would belong here, at least as a nominee. Because the two non-winners listed here should barely even qualify. I guess Mark Wahlberg should be on here, but I don’t want Entourage to get even that much right. Point is, Miley Cyrus was OK, but she had an easy road to this.

 

The Godfather Best Sequel Award:

Avengers: Age Of Ultron

Creed

– Mad Max: Fury Road

– The Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials

Minions

Star Wars: Episode VII ~ The Force Awakens

 

Pretty great year for sequels.

 

The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie ~ Sponge Out Of Water

Taken 3

– Terminator Genisys

 

You think this was an afterthought because of how terrible Taken 2 was. But you’re wrong. I’m not here to defend Taken 2, but at least someone was taken in it.

 

The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:

– Vladimir Alexis (Stonewall)

– Benedict Cumberbatch (Black Mass)

– Domhall Gleeson (Ex Machina)

– Chris Hemsworth (Blackhat)

Garrett Hedlund (Pan)

– Charlie Hunnam (Crimson Peak)

– Jeremy Irvine (Stonewall)

– Janet Lo (Pay The Ghost)

– Elizabeth Olsen (Avengers: Age Of Ultron)

– Gwyneth Paltrow (Mortdecai)

 

I don’t understand what Garrett Hedlund was trying to do. But less so how anyone heard what he was doing and said, yes, that’s what I want Captain Hook (or anyone) to sound like.

Benedict Cumberbatch is a very close second.

 

The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent (Female):

Bel Powley (The Diary Of A Teenage Girl)

– Keira Knightley (Everest)

– Jennifer Jason Leigh (The Hateful Eight)

 

I am in actual love with every accent Keira Knightley is rolling out this late in her career like she’s getting her Masters in them, but Bel Powley was one of those ones where you see her on a talk show weeks later and it doesn’t make any sense.

 

The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):

John Boyega (Star Wars: Episode VII ~ The Force Awakens)

– Pierce Brosnan (No Escape)

– Henry Cavill (The Man From U.N.C.L.E.)

– Tobey Maguire (Pawn Sacrifice)

– Jesse Plemmons (Black Mass)

– Tim Roth (The Hateful Eight)

 

Most of my Force Awakens experience was trying to get over how this guy could sound like anything other than Moses, never mind deliver perfect American in a universe that definitely does not require it.

 

The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:

– Govinda Angulo of John Travolta as Vincent Vega (The Wolfpack)

– Jagadisa Angulo of Tim Roth as Mr. Orange (The Wolfpack)

– Kurt Cobain of Chris Cornell (Montage Of Heck)

Anthony Ingruber of Harrison Ford as William (The Age Of Adaline)

– Amy Poehler of Phyllis Smith as Sadness (Inside Out)

– Jared Riley of Kevin James as Cooper (Pixels)

– Marc Rose of Tupac Shakur (Straight Outta Compton)

 

I know you were stunned by Tupac actually being in Straight Outta Compton but you probably did not see Age Of Adaline.

 

The Still Unnamed Worst Impression Award:

– Michael Douglas of Elissa Knight as EVE in WALL-E (Beyond The Reach)

– Garrett Hedlund of Hans Conried and/or Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook (Pan)

– Thomas Mann of Klaus Kinski (Me And Earl And The Dying Girl)

Melissa Rivers of Joan Rivers (Joy)

– Jason Segel of David Foster Wallace (The End Of The Tour)

– Sofia Vergara of Reese Witherspoon as Cooper (Hot Pursuit)

 

Like I said, I don’t know what Garrett Hedlund was trying to do, so it is difficult to place intent on him. Melissa Rivers not being able to do her own mother when she’s been doing it all her life is bizarre.

 

The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award (for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):

– Dean Cameron (Straight Outta Compton)

– Sean Patrick Flannery (Broken Horses)

Richard Jenkins (Bone Tomahawk)

– Tom McCarthy (Pixels)

– Sienna Miller (Unfinished Business)

– Kylie Minogue (San Andreas)

– Paul Reiser (Concussion)

 

I still don’t know who Paul Reiser was in Concussion, but he couldn’t have had nearly as big a part as Richard Jenkins did in Bone Tomahawk. And yet you’ll recognize him quicker in Spotlight, in which he only appears on the phone.

 

The Hamlet Best Production Within A Production Award:

My Man Godfrey (Anomalisa)

– 24/7: Conlan vs. Wheeler (Creed)

– PTI (Creed)

– Meet Your Meat Episode #50 (Funny Bunny)

Choozy Doozy (Hot Tub Time Machine 2)

Mosasaurus show (Jurassic World)

The Voice (Pitch Perfect 2)

 

The one thing Jurassic World did well, never mind better than any other Jurassic Park movie, was show a place you’d definitely go to, despite the knowledge that you would definitely die there.

 

The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):

– “Wall-E” (Beyond The Reach)

“Be a good man.” (Chi-raq)

– “To bed” (Macbeth)

– “Isn’t that beautiful?” (Point Break)

– “Old, but not obsolete.” (Terminator Genisys)

 

At least 7 times this is said. In a row.

 

The This Is 40 Award (for supporting cast member(s) most deserving of a sort-of sequel):

– Tommy Tucker (Carol)

– Cyclops (Chi-raq)

Kill Club (Dark Places)

– Dom (Dope)

– Chris (Get Hard)

– Mad Teddy (Legend)

– The Nelsons (Minions)

– Ford (Spy)

 

I want movies of most of these characters and might even get a few of them, but Kill Club seems like something that should exist even without prior inclusion in another movie. Which is good since no one knows Dark Places exists.

 

The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award:

– Dr. Whitey Bulger (Black Mass)

– Max dates his mother (The Cobbler)

– Jade bangs on the door (Ex Machina)

– “Would you forgive me if I died?” (Heaven Knows What)

– chicken holes (In Jackson Heights)

– SpongeBob’s brain (The SpongeBob Movie ~ Sponge Out Of Water)

post rape snuggles (The Tribe)

– a truck backing up (The Tribe)

 

Just typing that phrase alone is creepy enough.

 

The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:

Ballet 422

– Heaven Knows What

Slow West

– Tokyo Fianceé

The Tribe

 

Most of these are a stretch. Ballet 422‘s you could easily not even notice (but it is a great one, even if twist might not be the right word.) Slow West‘s is kind of stunning.

 

The Passenger 57 Award (for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):

Ant-Man

– Creed

– Our Brand Is Crisis

Southpaw

– The Walk

 

It wouldn’t have been very good anyway, but this trailer gave the movie no hope at all.

Advertisements

One response to this post.

  1. […] For nominees and explanations, go here. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: