Nominations! (2016)

Winners are in bold. If you’d rather just the winners without all the other business, go here.

When you feel that something is missing, go here for the ongoing list of 2016 movies I’ve seen.

(Not all awards are represented here as many do not warrant multiple nominees.)

 

The Tommy Lee Jones Screentime Award (for amassing the most screentime of the year):

  • Tom Hanks (A Hologram For The King; Sully; Inferno; Ithaca)
  • Ethan Hawke (Regression; The Phenom; Born To Be Blue; Maggie’s Plan; In A Valley Of Violence; The Magnificent Seven)
  • Anna Kendrick (Mr. Right; Get A Job; Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates; The Accountant; Trolls; The Hollars)
  • Matthew McConaughey (Sea Of Trees; Free State Of Jones; Kubo And The Two Strings; Gold; Sing)
  • Teresa Palmer (Knight Of Cups; The Choice; Triple 9; Lights Out; Hacksaw Ridge; Message From The King)
  • Natalie Portman (Knight Of Cups; Jane Got A Gun; A Tale Of Love And Darkness; Jackie)
  • Michael Shannon (Complete Unknown; Frank & Lola; Midnight Special; Batman vs. Superman: Dawn Of Justice; Elvis & Nixon; Loving; Nocturnal Animals)
  • J.K. Simmons (April And The Extraordinary World; Kung Fu Panda 3; Zootopia, The Meddler, The Late Bloomer; The Accountant, La La Land; Patriot’s Day)

This is the largest field I’ve ever had to consider and it makes me worry there are people I’m missing. Michael Shannon and Ethan Hawke are essentially tied, but Midnight Special has enough non-Michael Shannon in it to given Ethan Hawke the edge. Matthew McConaughey could be tied too, but with two animated appearances, he’s securely in third place.

The Kevin Spacey Must Have the Best Agent Award (for appearing in the most top ten movies of the year):

  • J.K. Simmons (Zootopia and La La Land)

You could have pieced this one together yourself from the available information. But you probably didn’t.

The Victor Fleming Award (for excellence in directing multiple projects in the same year):

  • Peter Berg (Deepwater Horizon and Patriots Day)
  • Mike Flanagan (Hush and Oujia: Origin Of Evil)
  • Jim Jarmusch (Gimme Danger and Paterson)
  • Pablo Larraín (Jackie and Neruda)
  • Jeff Nichols (Midnight Special and Loving)
  • Gavin O’Connor (Jane Got A Gun and The Accountant)

This award does not get handed out very often and maybe shouldn’t be this year either. But with so many possibilities (usually there are zero people who have directed two things in a year and rarely more than two) it seems like it has to be. I never did see Gimme Danger and so this comes with your protest already noted and could change someday if I do and it’s great. Still, Deepwater Horizon and Patriots Day are unfairly maligned perfectly serviceable true life action movies. A genre Peter Berg seems to be have a personal agenda for taking to the big screen.

The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award (for the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):

  • Zac Efron (Dirty Grandpa)
  • Paul Reiser (The Darkness)
  • Ray Romano (Ice Age: Collision Course)

Zac Efron shines in a bad movie, but he’s not totally on his own. As bad and annoying as Dirty Grandpa is, there are bright flashes from a few people, even Robert DeNiro. Ray Romano isn’t even the best part of his terrible movie, that’s Scrat, as usual.  Paul Reiser isn’t in The Darkness much, but he makes one scene impossibly better than the movie appears capable of both before and after it.

The Dina Meyer Award (for the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):

  • Lily Rose Depp (Yoga Hosers)
  • Kristen Stewart (Billy Lynn’s Halftime Walk)
  • Elodie Yung (Gods Of Egypt)

Essentially all by herself, Lily Rose Depp makes Yoga Hosers not one of the worst things your eyes will never forgive you for putting them through. Kristen Stewart is great, as is generally the case, in a weird movie. But Garrett Hedlund isn’t terrible in the same movie and he almost always is, so that kind of ruins her chances. Elodie Tung isn’t even good the whole time, but at a certain point she becomes the reason to endure Gods Of Egypt. She’s funny and maybe a little annoyed she has to be there.

The Tatum O’Neil Best (Female) Child Actor Award:

  • Shree Crooks (Captain Fantastic)
  • Royalty Hightower (The Fits)
  • Soo-an Kim (Train To Busan)
  • Oona Laurence (Bad Moms)
  • Angourie Rice (The Nice Guys)
  • Ida Rohatyn (Maggie’s Plan)
  • Claudine Vinasithamby (Dheepan)

I finally split these categories along gender lines, which seems like exactly the wrong time to be doing such a thing. Maybe I will change it to age brackets, but that’s so difficult to determine what with how long it can take for a movie to get from production to a on which screen I can see it. Of course, it wasn’t until a SAG screening where Shree Crooks came out on the panel that I knew for sure what gender she was in the movie, so I don’t know if this way is any easier. Point is, it seems as though there are so many great child performances, the hardest thing to do would be to only choose one. Hard enough here, limiting myself to only female ones.

The Justin Henry Best (Male) Child Actor Award:

  • Julian Dennison (The Hunt For The Wilderpeople)
  • Sunny Pawar (Lion)
  • Harvey Scrimshaw (The Witch)
  • Charlie Shotwell (Captain Fantastic)

Sunny Pawar deserves the Oscar nomination that Dev Patel has even though all he does the whole time is give Google Maps the stink eye.

The Nicolas Cage Uneven Performance Award [for the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year (the good one is always listed first)]:

  • Chloe Grace Moretz (Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising and The 5th Wave)
  • Abby Lee (The Neon Demon and Gods Of Egypt)
  • Wayne Pére (Free State Of Jones and Miracles From Heaven)

Wayne Pére is barely in Free State Of Jones and Abby Lee is barely in Gods Of Egypt. Plus, she’s pretty good in Office Christmas Party and so maybe this was always a one person race. But even so, Chloe Grace Moretz is inexplicably bad in The 5th Wave and “buckets of money” is the greatest running joke of 2016 and she is a major part of that, so this might not have been a difficult decision regardless.

The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:

  • Sharlto Copley (Hardcore Henry)
  • Jake Gyllenhaal (Nocturnal Animals)
  • Tilda Swinton (Hail, Ceasar!)

This is certainly not the obvious choice. One could argue that Jake Gyllenhaal is really only playing his own character’s image of himself in the book he’s written. But there are subtle differences, beyond the accent, and those are much more admirable than the Aladdin Genie act Sharlto Copley is putting on in Hardcore Henry. And of course Tilda Swinton is great as twins, but part of the point/joke is that nobody really believes they are twins.

The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award:

  • Anna Camp (Café Society)
  • Billy Crystal (The Comedian)
  • Bradley Cooper (10 Cloverfield Lane)
  • Sterling Jerins (Paterson)
  • Melissa McCarthy (Central Intelligence)
  • Snoop Dogg (Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping)
  • Sigourney Weaver (Ghostbusters)

Anna Camp might deserve this more. Her scene is the best Café Society has to offer and its a pretty good movie. She has way more to do than Snoop ever could dream of doing. But it works so well, in a movie populated with jokes that do not. No matter what your 20 year old cousin might say.

The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award:

  • Dan Aykroyd (Ghostbusters)
  • Kevin Conroy (Yoga Hosers)
  • Jennifer Garner (Mother’s Day)
  • Robert Loggia (Independence Day: Resurgence)
  • Ozzy Osbourne (Ghostbusters)
  • Ally Sheedy (X-Men: Apaocalypse)
  • Michael Sheen (Nocturnal Animals)

Robert Loggia’s Independence Day cameo is creepy and probably not actually him but a computer generated simulation. Ozzy Osbourne’s is one of the most tellingly terrible moments in Ghostbusters. But nothing is worse than an sinjgle note in joke cameo from somebody you wouldn’t even know was supposed to be a cameo if not for those single note in jokes you aren;t getting because calling them jokes is being very very kind.

The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (for the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):

  • Roxanne Benjamin (Southbound)
  • Peter Berg (Deepwater Horizon)
  • Perry Blackshear (They Look Like People)
  • Johnny Ma (Old Stone)
  • Chris Renaud (The Secret Life Of Pets)
  • Taika Waititi (The Hunt For The Wilderpeople)

Peter Berg’s greatest talent might be in finding exactly the right spot to show up in his own movies. He is also in Patriots Day but is so far away from the camera you could never know it was him. A mistake Hitchcock would never make.

The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [for the most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:

  • Mike Birbiglia (Don’t Think Twice)
  • Ben Falcone (The Boss)
  • Paul Feig (Ghostbusters)
  • Max Landis (Me Him Her)
  • Kevin Smith (Yoga Hosers)

I still think Mike Birbiglia should have acst someone else to star in his movie, but it’s still not quite the problematic appearance I look for here. Plus he’s a major character and you can get used to anything. Paul Feig needed to never remind us that he was behind this Ghostbusters that wears proudly all of his worst usual mistakes. Not least of which is keeping himself out of it.

The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award:

  • Kara Hayward (Manchester By The Sea)
  • Max Records (I Am Not A Serial Killer)
  • Morgan Saylor (White Girl)

The Where The Wild Things Are kid probably did need to grow up fast, so this should be no surprise.

The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award:

  • Peter Atencio for “Father Figure” by George Michael (Keanu)
  • Tim Burton for “Run, Rabbit, Run” by Flanagan And Allen (Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children)
  • Damien Chazelle for “I Ran” by the pool party band (La La Land)
  • Josh Fox for “Bizness” by tUnE-yArDs (How To Let Go And Love Everything That Climate Can’t Change)
  • Josh Kriegman and Elyse Steinberg for “Back In The New York Groove” by Ace Frehley (Weiner)
  • Pablo Larraín for “Camelot” by Richard Burton (Jackie)
  • David E. Talbert for “Ain’t No Woman Like The One I’ve Got” by Four Tops (Almost Christmas)
  • Nitesh Tiwari for “Haanikaarak Bapu” by Aamir Khan (Dangal)
  • Ben Wheatley for “S.O.S.” by Clint Mansell / Portishead (High-Rise)

Lots of great choices and so maybe this wound up going to best song, as a tie breaker. But man is that Dangal song climbing the charts.

The Andy Garcia Impossible Shot Award:

  • Robert DeNiro and Leslie Mann get pregnant (The Comedian)
  • Charlie Plummer – pavement toss (King Jack)
  • Eddie Redmayne and Katherine Waterston – tea kettle catch (Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them)

When Leslie Mann says she is pregnant in The Comedian, a woman in the theater exclaimed, “In one shot? No way.” Afterward she told one of the producers that happened to be there that she loved the movie but didn’t believe anybody got pregnant in one shot.

The John Woo Best Shootout Award:

  • Peter Atencio (Keanu)
  • Jacques Audiard (Dheepan)
  • Peter Berg (Patriots Day)
  • Sean Ellis (Anthropoid)
  • Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)
  • Gavin O’Connor (The Accountant)

Is a battle scene different than a shootout? In doesn’t have to be, but in this case, Anthropoid is beating Hacksaw Ridge on that technicality. Still, that ought to tell you something about the climactic shootout in Anthropoid, namely that you should watch it right away.

The William Friedkin Best Car Chase Award:

  • Joe and Anthony Russo (Captain America: Civil War)
  • Ariel Vroman (Criminal)
  • Andrew Stanton (Finding Dory)
  • Taika Waititi (Hunt For The Wilderpeople)
  • Chris Renaud and Yarrow Cheney (The Secret Life Of Pets)

Not a great year for car chases. And Shane Black made a movie. So that’s extra dumb.

The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award:

  • Paul vs. Harry (A Bigger Splash)
  • Billy Lynn vs. Hajji (Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk)
  • Geeta vs. Jassi (Dangal)
  • Alex vs. The Blind Man (Don’t Breathe)
  • Healy vs. Michigan (The Nice Guys)
  • Kwon Soo-Tae vs. Red Name Tag (Proof Of Innocence)

Dangal is in second place here, and it might be better cinematically, but it lacks the fight to the death aspect that I crave.

The Die Hard 2 Icicle Award (for best use of an otherwise benevolent object as a weapon):

  • mouse (The 5th Wave)
  • belt (The Accountant)
  • lamp (Criminal)
  • locket (X-Men: Apocalypse)

Not a great year for this either. Seems silly to give it to an effects-only scene, but that Magneto opening is the best thing about that bad X-Men sequel.

The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (for worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):

  • Cara Delevigne (Suicide Squad)
  • Chloë Grace Moretz (The 5th Wave)
  • Callum Keith Rennie (Warcraft)

Chloe Grace Moretz being bad in The 5th Wave has a lot to do with her not being able to see the computer generated things around her. But it’s just more shocking that this otherwise great actor can’t handle this now standard part of movie acting. It’s not like she’s too old to understand. Callum Keith Rennie has a very small part in Warcaft, but Warcraft is entirely populated with computer generated imagery and he wants none of it. Like he is angry about the way movies have gone and is trying to fight a rebellion from the inside.

The Talking Pig Award (for the two movies most alike released in the same year):

  • Batman vs. Superman and Captain America: Civil War
  • The BFG and Pete’s Dragon and A Monster Calls
  • Christine and Kate Plays Christine
  • Florence Foster Jenkins and Marguerite
  • Me Before You and The Fundamentals Of Caring
  • Miles Ahead and Born To Be Blue

It’s quite a coincidence that two movies focused on Christine Chubbock in 2016. But one was a documentary that was actually focused on the Kate part. Whereas Florence Foster Jenkins inspired two movies as well, its just that only one got the rights to name itself after her.

The Mulholland Falls Award (for movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):

  • Arrival
  • Bad Moms
  • Batman vs. Superman
  • Dirty Grandpa
  • The Girl On The Train
  • Les Innocents
  • Manchester By The Sea
  • Suicide Squad

When you see those kids in the first flashback, you have to see where this is going, if just not the specifics.

The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (for the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):

  • Dirty Grandpa
  • Ghostbusters
  • The Magnificent Seven
  • Suicide Squad

Ugh. I don’t even want to talk about it.

The Cecil B. DeMille Award (for best portrayal of oneself)

  • Anna Faris (Keanu)
  • Ringo Starr (Popstar: Never Stop Stopping)
  • Martha Stewart (Bad Moms)
  • Ben Stiller (Don’t Think Twice)
  • Sigourney Weaver (Finding Dory)

Tough because Ringo Starr might give the joke of the year. But the reveal that Anna Faris is actually playing Anna Faris and might be dead, that’s hard to quibble with.

The Godfather Best Sequel Award:

  • Captain America: Civil War
  • Kung Fu Panda 3
  • Rogue One
  • Take Off 2

Rogue One is a prequel (and also not quite as good.)

The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:

  • Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
  • Jason Bourne
  • Ice Age: Collision Course
  • Independence Day: Resurgence
  • My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
  • Ride Along 2
  • X-Men: Apocalypse

The biggest plummet in the shortest amount of time. It’s just physics.

The Breathless Worst Remake Award:

  • Ghostbusters
  • Pete’s Dragon
  • Pride And Prejudice And Zombies

Jim Dale we miss you.

The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:

  • Luke Bracey (Hacksaw Ridge)
  • Adam Driver (Silence)
  • Rebecca Hall (Christine)
  • Martin Henderson (Miracles From Heaven)
  • John Malkovich (Deepwater Horizon)
  • Chris O’Dowd (Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children)
  • Wayne Pére (Miracles From Heaven)
  • Forrest Whitaker (Arrival)

Why cast Chris O’Dowd in a mostly non-comedic role in a movie that takes place in England? It’s just silly.

The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent (Female):

  • Lily Rose-Depp (Yoga Hosers)
  • Judy Davis (The Dressmaker)
  • Scarlett Johansson (Hail, Ceasar!)
  • Ruth Negga (Loving)
  • Angourie Rice (The Nice Guys)
  • Rachel Weisz (Denial)

The Academy agrees.

The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):

  •  Zac Efron (Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates)
  • Alden Ehrenreich (Hail, Ceasar!)
  • Jared Harris (Certain Women)
  • Toby Kebbell (Gold)
  • Kurt Russell (Deepwater Horizon)

Would that it were so simple.

The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:

  • Daisy Coleman of her mother (Audrie & Daisy)
  • Robert Downey Jr. of himself as Tony Stark circa 1991 (Captain America: Civil War)
  • Dakota Johnson of Rebel Wilson as Robin (How To Be Single)
  • Natalie Portman of Jackie Kennedy (Jackie)
  • Parker Sawyers of Barack Obama (Southside With You)
  • Rachel Weisz of Deborah Lipstadt (Denial)

This is why she didn’t win accent. Because it was way more than that.

The Still Unnamed Worst Impression Award:

  • Ralph Garman of Al Pacino (Yoga Hosers)
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt of Edward Snowden (Snowden)
  • Jared Leto of Randy “Macho Man” Savage (Suicide Squad)
  • Jon Lovitz of Howard Cosell (Mother’s Day)
  • Usher Raymond IV of Sugar Ray Leonard (Hands Of Stone)
  • Robb Skyler of Howard Cosell (Hands Of Stone)

Just don’t put the real guy in the movie if he doesn’t actually talk on 33 speed.

The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award (for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):

  • Bill Camp (Jason Bourne)
  • Suzanne Cryer (10 Cloverfield Lane)
  • Oscar Isaac (X-Men: Apocalypse)
  • Ted Levine (Bleed For This)
  • Gabrielle Union (Birth Of A Nation)

As one of only two Two Guys And Girl (And A Pizza Place) fan on Earth, I am the only one who should have recognized Suzanne Cryer. But still, I didn’t until the other one asked me about it later.

The Hamlet Best Production Within A Production Award:

  • Burying Jack (Don’t Think Twice)
  • “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” (Green Room)
  • “No Dames” (Hail, Ceasar!)
  • secret ballet (Holy Hell)
  • The Chance Of Possibility (I’m Not Ashamed)
  • The Invitation video (The Invitation)
  • Money Mon$ter (Money Mon$ter)
  • Nocturnal Animals (Nocturnal Animals)
  • La Pasion de la Pasion (The Secret Life Of Pets)
  • “The Riddle Of The Model” (Sing Street)

Although I think I’d sooner pay to see that secret ballet.

The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):

  • “What else is there?” (Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk)
  • “Kelp cake” (Finding Dory)
  • “Help me get one more.” (Hacksaw Ridge)
  • “I can take care of you.” (Loving)
  • “Is this who I am?” (X-Men: Apocalypse)
  • “Soory aboot that.” (Yoga Hosers)

I got so happy when this happened. This award makes me happier than pretty much anything.

The This Is 40 Award (for supporting cast member(s) most deserving of a sort-of sequel):

  • Jane (Bad Moms)
  • Dana (The Boss)
  • Erwin Kim (The Edge Of Seventeen)
  • Mayor Bradley (Ghostbusters)
  • Tad (Green Room)
  • disgruntled cowboys (Hell Or High Water)
  • Janet (The Nice Guys)
  • scuba cops (Sully)

Scuba Cops should be a TV show though.

The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award:

  • home invasion (Criminal)
  • Destiny’s bucket (Finding Dory)
  • red lanterns (The Invitation)
  • Doss stares at Dorothy (Hacksaw Ridge)
  • meeting Rama (Lion)
  • The Twins show their faces (Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children)
  • waking Aurora (Passengers)
  • flies (They Look Like People)
  • Black Phillip speaks (The VVitch)

I don’t know that there’s anything creepier than the sound of flies in They Look Like People. And yet I had a hard time going against the home invasion in Criminal.

The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:

  • Indignation
  • The Invitation
  • La La Land
  • Miss Sloane
  • Remember

You still don’t see it coming.

The Passenger 57 Award (for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):

  • Captain America: Civil War
  • Deepwater Horizon
  • Miracles From Heaven
  • Money Mon$ter
  • The Nice Guys
  • Sing

This is one of the most lamentable trailers in history. I mean, they had a perfectly good one already. And it’s not as though singing animals have ever had a problem at the box office.

The First Annual Jesse Heiman Award (for excellence in background action):

  • guy sitting between Annette Benning and Elle Fanning at the dinner table (20th Century Women)
  • freshman girl in the bathroom (I’m Not Ashamed)
  • guy driving the car two back from the girl who starts the first song (La La Land)

Emma Redmond! It’s nice to know the name of the first recipient of this new award. I doubt I ever will again. And while she was almost a bit part, she was listed in the credits under extra, so it’s justified as far as I’m concerned.

The Nightwatch Award (for the most heavily promoted movie never to grace us with its presence in a theater):

  • The Space Between Us

This could the final year for The Nightwatch Award. It’s gotten nearly impossible to find movies that do not play in theaters. Maybe I’m just better at knowing they do play in theaters though because it seems like it should be getting easier. Still, mostly the winner ends up being something like this, something that will get released in a theater, only a year or so after it had a weird media blitz. Seems like a different award, one I will probably never give out.

 

 

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One response to this post.

  1. […] For the nominations and explanations, go here! […]

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