Awards! (2016)

For the nominations and explanations, go here!


The Tommy Lee Jones Screentime Award (for amassing the most screentime of the year):

  • Ethan Hawke (Regression; The Phenom; Born To Be Blue; Maggie’s Plan; In A Valley Of Violence; The Magnificent Seven)


The Kevin Spacey Must Have the Best Agent Award (for appearing in the most top ten movies of the year):

  • J.K. Simmons (Zootopia and La La Land)


The Marlon Wayans Award (for appearing in two or more of the worst movies of the same year]:

  • Laura Linney (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows and Genius)


The Victor Fleming Award (for excellence in directing multiple projects in the same year):

  • Peter Berg (Deepwater Horizon and Patriots Day)


The Freddie Prinze, Jr. Award (for the best acting in the worst movie of the year – male):

  • Paul Reiser (The Darkness)


The Dina Meyer Award (for the best acting in the worst movie of the year – female):

  • Elodie Yung (Gods Of Egypt)


The Tatum O’Neil Best (Female) Child Actor Award:

  • Royalty Hightower (The Fits)


The Justin Henry Best (Male) Child Actor Award:

  • Sunny Pawar (Lion)


The Nicolas Cage Uneven Performance Award [for the biggest gap in quality between two different performances in the same year (the good one is always listed first)]:

  • Chloe Grace-Moretz (Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising and The 5th Wave)


The Peter Sellers Multiple Role Award:

  • Jake Gyllenhaal (Nocturnal Animals)


The Sean Connery Best Cameo Award:

  • Snoop Dogg (Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping)


The Casey Affleck Worst Cameo Award:

  • Kevin Conroy (Yoga Hosers)


The Alfred Hitchcock In Front of the Camera Award (for the least intrusive appearance by a movie’s own director(s)):

  • Peter Berg (Deepwater Horizon)


The Quentin Tarantino In Front of the Camera Award [for the most intrusive – not to mention annoying – appearance by a movie’s own director(s)]:

  • Paul Feig (Ghostbusters)


The Drew Barrymore All Grown Up Award:

  • Max Records (I Am Not A Serial Killer)


The Martin Scorsese Best Use of a Song Award:

  • Josh Fox for “Bizness” by tUnE-yArDs (How To Let Go And Love Everything That Climate Can’t Change)


The Andy Garcia Impossible Shot Award:

  • Charlie Plummer – pavement toss (King Jack)


The John Woo Best Shootout Award:

  • Sean Ellis (Anthropoid)


The William Friedkin Best Car Chase Award:

  • Ariel Vroman (Criminal)


The They Live Best Non-Martial Arts Fight Award:

  • Kwon Soo-Tae vs. Red Name Tag (Proof Of Innocence)


The Die Hard 2 Icicle Award (for best use of an otherwise benevolent object as a weapon):

  • locket (X-Men: Apocalypse)


The Cast of Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark Award (for worst performance of (an) actor(s) in scenes with special effects):

  • Callum Keith Rennie (Warcraft)


The Talking Pig Award (for the two movies most alike released in the same year):

  • Florence Foster Jenkins and Marguerite


The Mulholland Falls Award (for movie that failed most miserably at being as shocking as it hoped to be):

  • Manchester By The Sea


The Mulholland Falls Syndrome Award (for the biggest disappointment from the most promising ensemble cast):

  • The Magnificent Seven


The Cecil B. DeMille Award (for best portrayal of oneself)

  • Anna Faris (Keanu)


The Godfather Best Sequel Award:

  • Captain America Civil War


The Jaws Worst Sequel Award:

  • X-Men: Apocalypse


The Breathless Worst Remake Award:

  • Pete’s Dragon


The Kevin Costner Worst Accent Award:

  • Chris O’Dowd (Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children)


The Meryl Streep Award for Best Accent (Female):

  • Ruth Negga (Loving)


The Jon Voight Award for Best Accent (Male):

  • Alden Ehrenreich (Hail, Ceasar!)


The Jon Voight Best Impression Award:

  • Rachel Weisz of Deborah Lipstadt (Denial)


The Still Unnamed Worst Impression Award:

  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt of Edward Snowden (Snowden)


The Gary Oldman Chameleon Award (for the most unrecognizable performance by an otherwise recognizable personality):

  • Suzanne Cryer (10 Cloverfield Lane)


The Hamlet Best Production Within A Production Award:

  • “No Dames” (Hail, Ceasar!)


The “I’m Not The Bad Guy” Award (for the line so bad, it just had to be repeated):

  • “What else is there?” (Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk)


The This Is 40 Award (for supporting cast member(s) most deserving of a sort-of sequel):

  • Jane (Bad Moms)


The Rosemary’s Baby Creepiest Moment Award:

  • flies (They Look Like People)


The Citizen Kane Unseen Ending Award:

  • La La Land


The Passenger 57 Award (for the plot most thoroughly ruined by its trailer):

  • Sing


The First Annual Jesse Heiman Award (for excellence in background action):

  • freshman girl in the bathroom (I’m Not Ashamed)


The Nightwatch Award (for the most heavily promoted movie never to grace us with its presence in a theater):

  • The Space Between Us

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